Fireworks Jokes and Guy Fawkes Jokes

You can't beat a bit of a laugh and a joke:)

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one.
The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear, and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

‘Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger, and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

Tommy Cooper -

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened ?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?

A: DINOMITE!
November the 5th has come and gone...
But some of the things still linger.
I held a banger in my hand..
has anyone seen my finger!

• How many safety inspectors does it take to light the bonfire?
  4. One to light the match and three to hold the fire extinguisher
• How many civil servants does it take to set fire to Guy Fawkes?
  23. One to strike the match and twenty-two to fill in the paperwork.
• How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
  3. One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
• How many aerospace engineers does it take to light the kindling sticks?
  0. You don't need a rocket science to start a bonfire.
• How many Apple employees does it take to flame Guy Fawkes?
  5. One to light the match and four to design the t-shirt.
• How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the bonfire?
  0. Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.
• How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire?
  Both of them.
• How many fish does it take to set the Guy Fawkes bonfire burning?
  Surrealist.